I hope...

I hope that you know that i would sacrifice my happiness for your happiness... i just hope that you havent fallen out of love for me... And that I understand you everytime you are watching whenever we are talking, or reading, or playing, or whatever
I can understand all that. Even though it hurts, im just gonna let you be. Because i know you are happy. I just hope that you know. that im hurting deep down inside. i just dont show it. You know the reason why....

A little hard..

Its really hard just to take it all in... I hate not talking to you. I hate the thought of you going somewhere else without me... I just hate everything that I cant do with you.... It just so hard. I just cant stop thinking about it.

As crazy as it sounds Im madly in love with you. I just dont know how to deal with everything. I know you have things in your life other than me... I get that... I just cant march into every aspect of your life.... What kind of boyfriend would I be? I know I probably already am the worst boyfriend ever. For controlling you and such. But all that was because, like I said, Im afraid to loose you.

I know its not the best decision I probably can ever make.. But its all in the name of love. Im just too damn scared to loose you.. Just know that. And never forget it.

My phobia..

I hope I get to talk to you a lot during this one week vacation of yours..
Becasue i know that your next term would be hard as there would be days that
you would be going home late nights....some even until 9.
Which means that you will reach home by 10...
And whats worse, you'll go to vegan for a whole day or two... maybe even 3....

I just cant take not talking to you for a long time... Or not talking to you in general...
Im scared. Really freaking scared.
Im just too far away from you. We dont have a normal relationship.
I dont want to lose you.. I just really dont...

As much as i want to have you all to myself, i know you have family and school too...
And i have to understand that. As much as it hurts. As much as it kills me...
I'll try my best to understand to the very end.
This would all be easy if I get to see you everyday. I would understand better, and i would be feeling much more secured.

But im not. Its never easy for us. After spending 10 years far from you.. I just csnt spend anymore time away from you...
I miss you so much. More than you'll ever know. Please dont leave me.
Please.... Love me. And only me. Dont love another. Because im afraid to loose you..

I really am afraid to loose you. If i loose you... I'd loose my humanity and my sanity... :(

I LOVE YOU JILLIANNE V. BERTOL. I LOVE YOU TILL THE VERY END OF ME.. ♥